Diaconal To-Do List - Week of April 20

. . . and you are to carry out other duties assigned to you from time to time.

monday
come thou fount of every blessing, tune my heart to sing thy grace
9am - county courthouse - provide "no-contact" pastoral care silently & across courtroom
6pm - pick up N from geiger correctional
streams of mercy never ceasing call for songs of loudest praise

tuesday
teach me some melodious sonnet, sung by flaming tongues above
8am - self-examination - sin of pride
praise the mount! oh, fix me on it, mount of God's unchanging love

wednesday
here I find my greatest treasure; hither by thy help I've come
4:30 pm - arrive at parish hall - welcome volunteers
5:30pm - welcome 75 for dinner
5:45pm - respond to grief - murder victim's aunt
7pm - bus tables, bag dirty tableclothes, tuck notebook with guests' prayer list in bag
9:30pm - wash tablecloths
and I hope, by thy good pleasure, safely to arrive at home

thursday
Jesus sought me when a stranger wandering from the fold of God
7am - pull what's left of prayer list notebook from washing machine
9:45am - pastoral care - am I doing it right?
10:15am - self-examination - living for others' approval vs. living for God?
12:00noon - don't forget you have a day job
he, to rescue me from danger, interposed his precious blood

friday
oh, to grace how great a debtor daily I'm constrained to be
9:00am - god-talk with spiritual friend
7:00pm - ministry weekend - topic: processing the process (of preparation for ordination)
let thy goodness, like a fetter, bind my wandering heart to thee

saturday
prone to wander, lord I feel it, prone to leave the God I love
8:15am - overwhelming gratitude for my call
8:30am - ministry weekend - topic: pastoral care
8:00pm - bake Jesus-bread for communion
here's my heart, oh, take and seal it, seal it for thy courts above

sunday
come thou fount of every blessing, tune my heart to sing thy grace
9:00am - unlock parish hall - remind church lady of community norms: "failure to use at least 8 scoops of coffee may affect your worship experience"
9:01am- receive lecture about Great Depression
9:15am - prepare sanctuary
9:59am - prepare self
10:00am - welcome (congregation) guide (acolytes) hear (Word) chant (psalm) bid (prayers) receive (elements) prepare (table) turn (pages) receive (communion) offer (chalice) praise (God)
5:00pm - study scripture
streams of mercy never ceasing, call for songs of loudest praise . . .

Vanity Check

Does this alb make me look fat?

And of course, that's beside the point. I keep thinking I'll finally get over myself, that my first thought won't go to trivialities. But that's the work of it, I guess: saying yes to God over and over--which necessitates a no to self.

Here I am, clearing the altar . . .

Thanks, Sally, for the pic.

Beyond the Chancel

You are to assist the bishop and priests in public worship and in the ministration of God's Word and Sacraments . . .

On different occasions, two people on the Commission on Ministry (COM) asked me the same question in an attempt to help me discern whether I might be called to the priesthood or the diaconate:

"When you are serving at the altar, do you have the urge to shove the priest out of the way and take over?"

Strange as it may seem, this is the most helpful question I've been asked during my discernment. It seems a small thing, really--almost an aside. Do you have the impulse to consecrate the bread and wine? It takes a whopping ten minutes per service--hardly dominating the priest's schedule. And yet, it's one of the main things. This question cuts through the confusion around orders of ministry--the muddiness generated by our tendency to define the orders by task and role, not what I call "heart stance." What the question really asks is: on the sacramental level, are you a priest?


Some folks have suggested my answer should be "Yes." I tend to be a take-charge kinda girl. I'm comfortable leading worship, preaching, praying, and doing all the other stuff that wraps around the Eucharist. I'm a passable thurifer (incense swinger). Once, in a pinch, I even chanted the psalm--by myself, in front of everybody--and I didn't die and the congregation didn't run screaming from the pews. But when I'm at that table, I don't want to be the one to invoke God's blessing. I can't tell you why.

I want to be the quiet servant--the one who is always in the right place at the right time, who moves along with the priest anticipating her needs, always ready to hold a book, turn a page, lift a chalice. I want to be the one who smooths the liturgy so that it seems effortless, the one who mutes distractions so that the focus is on God.

I prepare the way for the priest, setting the table, pouring wine. And, a proper servant, I clean up afterwards, restoring chalice and paten to their places, covering the consecrated host. And in between, there's the moment where I enact the deacon's call. Receiving the chalice from the priest, I carry it beyond the chancel to the people, each step a sign of the breach I'm called to cross each day.